I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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