Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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