If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
