i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
