So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
