i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
