Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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