If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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