my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Drunk is a universal language darling
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
