I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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