and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
