and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
