just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
