i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
