I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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