Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
