My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
