O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
