I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
