So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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