He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
