Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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