I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
