Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
