he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
