Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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