So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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