I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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