we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
