I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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