a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
