I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
