You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
