someone owes me an orgasm
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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