it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
