the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
