His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
