So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
