We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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