is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
