i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
