in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
