Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
