just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
