so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
