you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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