she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
