It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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