Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
