is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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