i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
