Barsexuality is the new black.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
