I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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